Ginger Unlucky in Love and Other (Post-Apocalyptic) Valentine Tales

HeartExplosion

After talking with folks today, it seems there are quite a few hearts bent, broken and smashed on the roadside.

Well. For the first time ever, and in an attempt to lighten things up a bit I, the Redhead, shall share one of my many Valentine Fables (debacles).

(Starring My very dear *ahem* “friend” Strawberry Ginger.)

Strawberry Ginger was feisty, and in regards to the L-word, she was not only persnickety, but incredibly Fickle.

However, and this is a Big However, when the Amazon Ginger finally did Fall, it was HARD.

Strawberry had been pining after Stevie Van Zandt for quite some time.

silvio

The guitar player, not the mobster in “Sopranos”.

QandA-LITTLE-STEVEN-VAN-ZANDT

When he finally noticed her existence and asked her out, she was overjoyed.

Immediately her imagination ran wild on all the really fun things they were going to do together, including cooking Paleo, early morning runs around the lake near his house, sweating it out in Spartan and being the first “Power Couple” to build an AMAZINGLY successful Krav Maga gym.

krav maga

Weeks later, when none of these things had begun to foment, much less the occurrence of a Real second date, she became anxious.

Stevie Van Zandt, who called and texted Strawberry several times a day, Every Day, was non-plussed by her concern.

“A Plan of Attack”, he announced. “We will come up with one.”

Weeks later, when there was No “Plan”, Strawberry again expressed her worry that perhaps they were not on the same page. Using the upcoming Valentine holiday as an example, she mentioned to Stevie that he never made arrangements to see her ahead of time.

No answer. But still, daily calls and texts from the intrepid guitar man. (He didn’t wear the bandana in public, fyi. He was cool that way.)

Two days before the Big Day, Strawberry wondered what to do. She had prepared some special Valentines for her Man, and still No Word.

To be safe, she put his card in the mail, Just in the nick of time so he would recieve it on Thursday, February 14. You know, in case something “came up”.

The night before, she decided to run with her naturally positive exuberance and assume that No Word meant Big Surprise.

The next morning, she awoke bursting with excitement and possiblity.

She put on her most fetching outfit and went to work.

Four hours later, Nothing.

At her break, she checked her phone. A bawdy text declaring, “Don’t make me masturbate alone”, with blank “To” and “From” lines awaited her. She blinked.

You see, Strawberry is friends with lots of uh, Men, and plenty had Shared this kind of humor with her, but never actually Sent it as a Valentine message before.

An hour later, a new text arrived, and it said “Help I’ve fallen for you and I can’t up.”

Encouraged, Strawberry thought Stevie Van Zandt was just playing tricks until he arrived with an Actual Valentine. She freshened up her makeup and smoothed her hair.

By the time she clocked out from work, her Hero had not shown up– in Any Way, Shape, or Form–and her hope + optimism began to die an Awfully Long, Very Horrible, and Painful death.

When they finally spoke on the phone later, and he thanked her for the card, she realized that. was. all.

She let out a painful sigh as he regaled her with all the activities he would be engaged in that evening, sans her.

After hanging up the phone, the stabbing pain in her heart directed her to a visit and regroup with her Other Hero, Bruce Willis.

bruce_willis

Once she had her wits about her, Strawberry gallantly sent Stevie the rest of his Valentines. (including a recording of the Love Song she was going to sing/whisper into his ear that night, after they tore each other’s clothes off and performed passionate, Valentine-related activities.)

The next day, instead of ripping Stevie a new one, Strawberry left her dreams, songs, gym, and feelings behind her and extended a hand in friendship.

But this wasn’t just your average everyday, “hey, let’s be pals” kinda gig. In Strawberry’s mind (and heart) this would be a New Beginning.

A Chance for the Two of Them to Start Over.

Steven Van Zandt apologized for his ignorance, promised he’d make it up to her someday, and took it.

The two now live happily ever after, arguing, reading books, working out, and cooking Paleo.

Forever and ever in the sacred bonds of Friendship. Amen.

The End.

(here, of course, is the disclaimer:

disclaimer

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